The Resolution

There's a lot that I don't know

There's a lot that I'm still learning

I haven't written in a while because this week has been nothing short of insane. Picking up where I left off last weekend: Seeing my dad was so much fun! I love just hanging out with him, talking, and being together. I've always been so close with my parents. I think it has to do with that only child thing. At any rate, after the struggle of a year that I've been having academically, personally, and everything in between-a-lly, it was so wonderful to just spend some quality time with someone who will always love me, always has my best interests in mind, and wants nothing but the absolute best for me. I need that every now and then. We had a blast and learned that neither of us are very good at bowling! Dropping my dad off at the train station was emotional. I hate when my parents leave. I feel like I'm a child again and my parents are dropping me off at camp for the first time. I fully know I'll see them again soon, but it doesn't change the fact that we are parting ways. I'm always in a funk when they leave, but I'll see both my parents in about a week because I'm getting initiated into the Phi Beta Kappa Honors Society (maybe you've heard of it? ;) I can't wait!

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I just need light

I need light in the dark as I search for the resolution

My dad asked me a pretty loaded question while we were waiting for his train to arrive: Are you doing okay? I mean, it depends on when you ask. Which day, hour, minute even. It all just kind of depends. Overall, yes, dad and the rest of the world, I'm doing fantastic. Sometimes, though, I don't have the luxury of saying that I am. I try my best to focus on the beautiful moments when everything is perfect, more than perfect. I live for those moments, big or small. Those other ones... well... we've all been there.

Focusing on the beautiful moments. Monday, ER amazingness! I got to put EKG leads on a patient, chat with the doctors (I'm starting to get to know them better, which is quite exciting!) and watched an open heart surgery. What? YES. It was incredible. I was on an adrenaline high for the rest of the day. Words can't really describe what I saw, so I won't attempt to even try to capture the raw power, beauty, and disgusting intensity of the human body. 

I have been planning all week for Theta's Spring Retreat, which happened last night. It was so much fun! What an amazing reminder of sisterhood :) I love all these girls and some of them have been with me through my highest highs and lowest lows, for which I will be eternally grateful. And there's nothing that screams sisterhood like tie-dying, cotton candy eating contests, dinosaur-on-a-stick race, silent affirmations, raffles and ice cream sundaes :) I hope everyone had as much fun as I did!

Two midterms and two papers this coming week. Sometimes the quarter system is relentless. Especially in the spring when all I want to do is soak up some vitamin D with my best friends. And yet... I haven't started studying. Cool. College is so much cramming and not enough of whatever the opposite of that would be. Do I really have much to gain from memorizing fatty acid biosynthesis and then regurgitating it on an exam? Probably not.

I'm making so much progress at life in general. I have a life plan. I'm taking steps toward making that dream a reality. I'm making the most out of every friendship and every moment; sometimes I fall short, but I always try my hardest. I've been kind of running around like a chicken with my head cut off, every day a different set of responsibilities, places to be, people to see. I've been keeping busy but I like it that way. I don't like being bored. And I have been listening to a lot of music. "Music's the only thing that makes sense anymore. It keeps the demons at bay." One my favorite quotes from the movie Across The Universe because it's so true. People who are better writers and musicians than me write the words and emotions that I can't seem to express as eloquently, so I leave that to them and listen to the beautiful product. The best I can do is this blog, and today I'm not feeling super insightful. I'm just trying to take life as it comes to me, the good, the bad, the ugly. 

I haven't seen Emily in over a week. Having withdrawals. COME BACK TO ME! Also, thanks for reading my paper, not judging me, and responding to my stupid texts. Get back into my life! I see Katrina every Tuesday and Thursday in Biochem and usually on the weekends too :) probably hitting the rec pool later! Michele is home for the weekend. Can we make cookies again please? Looking forward to a phone call from the always lovely Annalyse -- we have a lot to catch up on. Your texts make me smile.

"People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within." -Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

This is the most discombobulated post ever. It's been quite a week and I'm just trying to make sure I get it all in there. My thoughts are very disorganized and I failed to elaborate on anything. Sorry about that. It's just one of those days... searching for my resolution.

Amendment to this post: I wrote this entry in early afternoon. It is now 5:45pm. Having a good day now :) went to the Rec Pool with Katrina and Alyssa, had a marvelous time, and then went to Burgers and Brew. Sometimes it just takes some lovin' from friends to bring you back to reality. 3 hours at the rec pool + yummy burgers + so far only 30 minutes of studying done... I'd say I feel accomplished today :)